Far Away
by WhiteMoonFlower
Summary: MalRiver Song Fic based on Nickelback's Far Away...How long will it take for Mal to realize what's right in front of him? Spoilers for BDM and Firefly episodes. Nothing belongs to me!


Disclaimer: All belong to the all mighty Joss Whedon. Don't own a ruttin thing in this shiny verse. Dong Ma?

Far Away

After Miranda the crew of Serenity desperately tried to rebuild after all of their devastated losses Book, Wash, and many others that they all have ever cared about. River an abused weapon forged by the government that hunted her, changed her forever to feel everything and anything prayed to Buddha to make her stone every night so she would no longer have the burden of sadness. Every day was a struggle to keep afloat amongst the sea of emotions that threatened to drown her at every waking moment.

Sleep was no longer an option for her so she took to wandering the quiet corridors of Serenity being a powerful reader River still felt all the pain and anguish that emitted from the crew even as they all slumbered. River smiled when she walked by Kaylee's bunk the place that Simon stayed most nights. Kaylee and Simon found each other and were reveling in their love giving them their own found peace. Running her hands across the cold metal of Serenity River came across Jayne's bunk. She was still trying to figure out Jayne. Jayne was Jayne he mourned the death of his friends like he only can with a drunken toast every time he was at a bar and for once in his life naming two of his pistols after two men Book and Wash.

River continued on her walk as Serenity hummed underneath her bare feet. Passing the shuttle she touched Inara's mind ever so slightly and was surprised that all Inara thought of was leaving Serenity. Her place was no longer on the ship and her heart was no longer with the Captain. Someone else owned his heart now. Regret and remorse filled Inara's heart but a sense of hope for a new life where she could piece herself back together. River felt Inara's shame of feeling joy in her new prospects but understood her need to start fresh and being a Companion she had the ability.

River dreaded passing Zoe's room preparing herself for the onslaught of anguish at the loss of her husband surprisingly Zoe's dreams were always of the good times that she had with Wash. All the moments where he made her smile, laugh, and his love spread warmth over her cold heart. River smiled as she felt Zoe touched her stomach in her sleep knowing that a piece of Wash would continue on.

The Captain's dreams were always of what he could have done differently. Different scenarios different outcomes. Some where they never went to Miranda. Sometimes he was able to save Wash but then lose another. The one dream that he had more often than others the one he despised with every moral fiber in his body is where he hands River over to the Operative without a blink of an eye ignoring Simon's screams as they take his sister away. Her dark eyes haunt him as he watches the Operative take River. Mal doesn't even look at the Operative as he congratulates him on the right decision all he can see is River's sad eyes.

River stood crying outside of Mal's bunk wishing she never boarded Serenity. Because of her so many died and yet they still hunted her, the Alliance's most prized possession. They didn't want Simon anymore just her. She risked their lives for too long and it was too late to save the ones that were lost.

Serenity finally had a chance to find true peace after Miranda the crew could move on and find some semblance of happiness and with tears in her eyes she shakily walked back to the cockpit she made her decision. She was leaving.

Mal woke up sweating scared out of his wit. He got up and quickly made his way up to the helm just to make sure she was still there. To make sure that it was just a dream. His albatross. The woman replacing Inara in his heart needed to still be there. He was running to the bridge not breathing until he saw her. His dark angel sitting in the pilot's seat watching the black.

He quietly turned to go back to his bunk when he heard her voice "Everything alright Captain?"

With his back still turned her answered "Just fine little albatross I was just checking what the time of arrival to Persephone is?"

River pushes a few buttons and with a tight voice "We should be arriving at Persephone in 10 hours 45 minutes and 37 seconds Captain."

Mal cannot think of anything else of say "Well wake me in 5 hours and I'll relieve you."

River responds "As you wish Captain." _  
_

After they landed River walked into the mess hall with her bags in her hands "I'm leaving." The conversations died. Simon is the first one to respond "What do you mean mei mei?" River simply clutches her bag tighter "I'm leaving Serenity Simon. It's the best solution for all of you."

Kaylee gets up from her seat and tries to hug River but she steps back "This is your chance. This is the one moment that I can give you. I can't take back the hurt and the pain for all that we lost but I can give you this one breath of life back. They don't want Simon anymore they just want me. I checked the cortex they doubled the reward for River Tam and dropped the warrant for Simon Tam."

Simon pulls her close to him and hugs her as tightly as he can "Mei mei please don't do this we can get through this don't go without me if you want to leave I will leave with you."

River smiles at Kaylee's shocked reaction to Simon's declaration and hugs him back "Simon you have sunshine and strawberry kisses with Kaylee don't be a boob and waste any more precious moments that you might have. Miranda should have shown you that life is too short."

She pulls herself out of Simon's embrace and kneels before Zoe "I'm sorry that I couldn't save Wash for you."

Zoe looks down at the troubled woman and pulls her into a hug "Don't be sorry River Wash died the way I think he wanted to for his beliefs and his family. I know he wouldn't want you to go. You belong on this ship just as much as he did."

River whispers in Zoe's ear "I give you this opportunity because of the new life that grows within you. You tell that son of yours how your strong, funny, and irreplaceable husband saved the life of a girl not worth saving." Zoe hugged her tighter when she said those last words hoping to show the girl her worth.

Zoe whispered "How did you know?"

River pulled back and smiled at her "Love keeps her in the air and like a leaf in the wind it goes on continuously never touching the ground."

The Captain was quiet through the whole exchange shocked that she was trying to leave. His albatross. Every thing in his mind was screaming at him to hold to that feng le girl and beg her not to leave but he pushed those feelings down scared that she might reject a gloomy captain like him. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and yelled "So that's it River. You're just going to up and leave this crew your family?"

River quietly answers "You know why I must leave Captain. This is the only way. You of all people know why."

"So all that happened at Miranda meant nothing to you! How much we all sacrificed to keep you safe and you're just going to pack your gorram go se and say good bye!"

Kaylee exclaims "Captain!"

The Captain interrupts "No shiny you want your leave you got it! You have exactly 10 minutes to get off my ruttin boat you ungrateful little…."

Zoe stands up "I don't think you should be finishing that sentence sir. What's gotten into you? Why are you saying these things to River after all she's done for us? If it wasn't for her no one would be watching our collective asses on your so called smooth jobs or flying us to safety when Reavers are on our tails."

The Captain points his finger at River "After all that she's done for us what about all that we've done for her and this is the thanks we get for losing our friends and any chance we had for making a decent livin and she's just going to pack up and leave us without a pilot, say thanks for risking your lives but I think it's best if I go on my own."

Zoe strides to the Captain and slaps him hard in the face "Book and Wash would be ashamed of you. Don't you see it's because of Wash and Book she's leaving all of our emotions she can't take it anymore, SIR. How can you be so callous and think that she doesn't feel our pain. She's a fucking reader Mal!"

Mal looks up to see his crew looking at him with shock and disappointment. Remembering his dream last night he finally understands why River wants to leave. He turns to where River stood but she slipped quietly out of the mess hall and out of Serenity. The crew ran down to the cargo bay only to see it wide open. Mal ran outside to the crowd and started screaming her name over and over again. Simon ran out pushing his way to through the crowd hoping to catch up with her but all he saw was a sea of strange faces and not his mei mei. Dejected after searching for most of the day the crew made their way back up to Serenity.

When Mal realized that he would never see his albatross again he sank to the ground and stared into the dirt. Zoe and Kaylee ran down the ramp to help Mal up to his feet. Simon stood in front of him "I know why you said all those things to River. I mean the real reason. All you had to do was say it. Just say it once but you were too scared to admit it and now she's gone." _  
_

Life seemed to move on in Serenity as much as it could move without River. The new pilot Taylor wasn't as funny nor as skilled as Wash but he fit in well with the group. They found him on Beaumonde a month after River left. He entertained the crew with his funny stories and always listened with respect about his predecessor Wash asking questions with hopes in becoming a skilled pilot as he was. Jayne decided to educate Taylor on everything from guns to women and found in the young man a good friend. Time moved on.

No heard anything from River but every birthday and every holiday they always received a considerable amount of transfer in credits to the lucky crew member even Taylor although River did not know him. "For my family" that's what it said on the card every time they got something in the mail from her. The birth of Hobarn Washbourne, Jr. brought many a stuffed dinosaurs with enough clothing of various sizes and diapers to last until he got into adulthood. Zoe smiled when she saw the little Hawaiian shirts amongst the clothes.

Kaylee and Simon finally tied the knot and were expecting their own first child. A girl they planned to name River. Jayne was happy enough with all the credits that were rolling in since they seemed to have a job every week now. He managed to send a good amount to his family so Jayne was content. Whiskey, cigar, and occasional trim were all he needed to survive in the black.

Mal however was not the same since River left. Inara had left the same day but before she left she pulled him aside telling him that she knew where his heart was and if he was a stupid hundun he would go after what he wanted. She stroked his cheek and told him not to give up hope in finding her.

Mal checked the cortex everyday with hopes in finding some clue of where River was but there was nothing on the news not even Mr. Universe's old contacts could find anything on her. The bounty for River Tam stood but after 6 months into River's departure it was lifted and the Alliance released a public announcement where they apologized to the Tam family for all the grief that they caused and assured them they would no longer be a bother. When the crew of Serenity heard that they all laughed with joy celebrating for what seemed like weeks and every day waited for River to come walking up the ramp. But she didn't. No River. No news.

Simon was so worried that he even sent a wave to his parents who informed him icily that River did not contact them in any way and that they would appreciate it if he would not send them a wave anymore. Surprisingly Jayne was the one who cursed them to high heaven Simon patted him on the back in thanks. Jayne shrugged "Hey you're family it's what we do."

River haunted the Captain's dreams every night. It was always the same dream every night he no longer dreamed of Miranda no Mal endured another kind of hell. In his dreams he ran into the crowd looking for her screaming her name but no sound came out of his mouth. The crowd parted and River stood in front of him "Just say it once." Mal would scream "I love you please stay. I need you." River never heard his words and with tears in her eyes she turned and walked away as Mal screamed over and over again that he loved her that he missed her.

Zoe was always the one shaking him out of his dreams. Afterwards they always went to the mess and sit there quietly and sip tea not speaking about Mal's nightmares. After another year passed without River Mal finally broke his silence "I can't breathe without her Zoe. Every day I have to remind myself to inhale and exhale. When I close my eyes I see her face trusting me and I hurt her the first moment I got scared of my feelings for her. What would she want with a piece of go se like me? A tired former Browncoat who did nothing more with this life than become captain of an illegal cargo ship. I know she could do better ever since Miranda she's been so much lucid and charming. Even with all that on every planet we land on I hope and pray that we see her even for a moment. Maybe then I can tell her that I didn't mean a gorram thing I said to her. I don't know what to do anymore."

Zoe smiled at her friend "Well it's about time you admitted it you stupid hundun."

Mal looks up with surprise "Huh?"

Zoe takes out a slip of paper and hands it to Mal "I knew after Miranda that you felt something for River something more profound that what you felt for Inara. I could see it in your eyes every time she walked into a room or the way you would smile when she would laugh at your idiotic jokes. I knew for sure that you loved her when she got shot on Whitefall and you stayed by her side the whole night not sleeping and not eating until you knew that she would be ok. That's what your problem was Mal you never thought that you were good enough for her but you didn't realize that you were what she needed. I think that River leaving wasn't about you Mal. River left because for once she needed to feel something besides our pain Mal. She needed to grow her childhood was taken by the Alliance she needed to become a woman on her own. Just for awhile to find herself. She's been keeping in contact with me to find out about Junior and how we've been. I know that River still loves you because she always asks about you and how you are and I can see the love in her eyes."

Mal looks at the little sheet of paper that has coordinates on it "How long have you known where she's been?"

Zoe shakes her head "Sir it took me close to a whole year to talk her into telling me where she's been. River was responsible for the Alliance lifting their warrant on her. I put her in contact with some our old friends and they helped her break in to persuade them to leave us and her alone. Finally took down those blue hands of hers. She sent me a wave to let me know she was alright and that Junior would be safe. River's been there for a couple of months now. She got a good thing going that's making her more than enough money. She found her serenity and is leading a decent life though sometimes in her waves I can sense that she misses this Serenity and her family. Please forgive me for keeping it from you but I promised her that I would not tell you or Simon that I was keeping in contact with her. I told her we'll visit when the timing is right and I do believe the timing is right now don't you sir?"

Mal gets up and walks to the intercom "Taylor you awake on the bridge?" "Yes sir." "Good change of plans set these coordinates."

River was riding on her horse gathering up the herd when one of her hands come running up to her. "Sorry to bother you River but there seems to be ship approaching a firefly class named Serenity. We tried waving them but got no response just a request for the lady of the estate to meet them by the ranch where they're landing." Smiling leans forward and talks into her horse's ear "Come on Shadow there's a couple of people I want you to meet." The steed picks up at full gallop towards the ranch. River yells over her shoulder "Tommy you make sure you gather the rest of that herd or it's your hide!"

Standing at the cargo bay of Serenity Kaylee and Simon are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their mei mei. Jayne and Zoe are overlooking the grounds of the ranch impressed by its size and amount of work that was going on. The lush landscape was offset with an enormous ranch and 4 little houses that surrounded it. Wasbourne Junior was toddling around laughing and cooing at the animals that Zoe was pointing out. Mal was pacing back and forth tracking dust up everywhere. Frustrated with Mal Zoe yelled "For all that is holy on this green earth Sir please stop pacing about she's on the way."

Jayne smirks at the Captain "Actin like you expecting a baby or something it's just Crazy girl." Mal gives him a nasty look when all of a sudden they see a woman on a horse speeding in their direction. Her cowboy hat flew off her head setting her long dark hair free in the wind. Squealing with joy Kaylee waddles down the ramp Simon quick on her heels fussing over his wife and soon to be new born and excited himself in seeing his mei mei after such a long time.

River dismounts a few feet away and runs to Simon. She hurls herself in to his embrace crying and laughing at the same time pressing kisses on his wet cheeks. Kaylee tugs on River's shirt and pulls her into an embrace careful of her growing belly. River looks down and picks up Wash Junior who waddled over and clung to her leg and spins him around and around while he laughs and squeals in the air. Zoe captures River into a tight embrace and whispers in her ear something that makes her blush. Jayne steps forward and grabs River twirling her around an affectionate greeting that shocks the crew but Jayne formed a new found respect for the girl and all that she's done for the crew. Zoe told Jayne that River was responsible for them getting most of their work. Jayne set her down and whistles "Damn girl you grew up from scrawny little feng le girl who used to steal my food."

Simon agrees "Yes mei me you look beautiful it seems this time away was what you needed." They all look at River closely taking in her long legs encased in tight blue jeans tucked into a pair of boots. Her white button down shirt was oversized but opened halfway to reveal a tight lacy camisole underneath. River gained some good weight on her lanky frame and all the hours spent working under the sun gave her a golden tan. A good life was evident in the sparkle of her eyes. Mal was starting to regret coming and disrupting her life.

But Mal's jaw tightens when he sees River laughing at Jayne as he introduces their new pilot Taylor. River shakes his hand sincerely welcoming him to the family and kisses him on the cheek. Mal vows to himself that he aint runnin no more. River turns around to look at the Captain standing by Serenity. She tilts her head to the side unsure of what to do but then Mal gives her his handsome smile that always managed to make her knees weak. River runs to Mal and he catches her in a tight embrace. He holds her close to him savoring the feel of her again the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin. River buries her face into his neck and presses a small kiss there that sends electricity down Mal's spine.

Mal whispers into her ear "I'm sorry bao bei. I didn't mean anything that I said darlin. I love you River always have and always will. I missed you, dreamt about you and I together, and God help me but I think that for the first time since you left I didn't forgot how to breathe."

River places her finger on his mouth "I just wanted to hear you say it. I love you Malcolm Reynolds from the very first moment that I crawled naked out of the cryo unit."

Mal shakes his head "How can you love an idiot like me?"

River strokes his cheek "I love the way you make me feel whole. I love the way you found real me amongst the chaos. I love the way you sacrificed your life in believing that I was a human being whole and true and not a weapon. I love the way you break down my walls and taught me to love and trust again and I forgive you Mal for making me wait."

Mal pulls back to look deep in her eyes "Hey you weren't exactly that easy to track lil albatross you didn't leave us any clues you now."

Jayne screams "For the love of Buddha are you gonna kiss her already or are we gonna stand here all night watching the two of you yapping away!" Kaylee and Zoe smack him upside his head.

River blushes a bright pink "Well Mal are you gonna kiss me or are we gonna yap some more." Mal leans in and presses his lips against hers reveling in the sweet taste of her skin. His tongue traces her mouth and gently pries her mouth open. River caresses his tongue with hers. That same electric current runs up and down Mal's spine. He runs his hand down her spine to the small of her back bringing her closer to him. The two are lost in their kiss oblivious to the whole verse and only to the true bliss that is standing before each other. Panting Mal pulls back "Wuh de ma bao bei."

River kisses him gently on the lips again and hugs him tight "Keep breathing bao bei because I'm never leaving you again. Hold on to me and to us and never let go." Arm in arm River and Mal joined the rest of the family to walk to Serenity Ranch the place that River called home. The place they all soon called home.

Chinese Translation:

Wuh de ma: Mother of God

Bao Bei: Sweetheart

Feng Le: Loopy in the head

Go se: Crap

Dong Ma: Understand?

**Far Away**

**By: Nickelback**

_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you knowThat I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymoreOn my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you knowThat I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymoreSo far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving  
Hold on to me and  
never let me go_


End file.
